The Nasty Yellow Bird
"Arrgh!" screamed Bill, and he jumped from the platform and ran deep into the woods.
Ed looked after Bill and noticed he had left his steak behind. Ed took the steak in one hand and strolled
towards the direction that Bill appeared to have gone towards. Rons ran to Ed and begged him to bring back the
Ron of the ancient prophecies. Ed merely tapped his nifty hat and said, "I have my duties." And he walked on.
Several hours into his walk, Ed stopped walking. He was starting to notice that he had not found Bill yet.
"Bill," said Ed. There was not much of a response, although a bird fell out of a tree, and got back into the
tree. Ed looked at the bird and noticed that it had yellow feathers. Ed took out his bird journal and made a note
about a yellow feathered bird. Then the yellow feathered bird fell out of the tree again, and squawked loudly. The
bird then proceeded to march towards Ed, and soundly bit him on the foot.
"Bird!" yelled Ed. Ed kicked the bird away, and the bird charged his foot again and bit it more thoroughly
the second time.
"Bird!" cried out Ed again. He glared at the bird. The bird smiled at him, and strutted off. Ed stared after
the bird, not understanding what he had done to deserve such treatment. Ed decided to stalk the bird and wring its
little neck. He then planned to dry it, press it and keep it in his book of birds. He usually ground the legs up into a
fine power to put on salads. He stalked.
The bird strutted onwards. Periodically the bird would glare at him again, and stick its tongue out at Ed.
Ed did not approve of this bird, and wasn't sure if he wanted the yellow bird in his book of birds.
Then the bird stopped in its place, and stared off to the right, as if in contemplation. Ed got the idea that
this was an opportunity. He leaped into the air to pounce on the bird. As he hit the ground he grabbed the bird, and
it let out a tremendous squawk. Then it bit him on the nose. Then the natives came out from behind the bushes.
"Koopa - koopa!" shouted one man. The bird responded and released the nose of Ed.
"Koopa - koopa?" mumbled Ed. The bird responded and regrabbed his nose.
"Koopa - koopa!" shouted the man. The bird let go again.
"Uh," said Ed, "Hello?"
"Koopa - koopa!" shouted all the men at him. The bird slipped from his fingers and began to do an
elaborate dance. All the men began to shout words in time with the dance of the bird. The bird danced around Ed a
dozen times, and finished by doing a complicated jig on the back of his head. Ed continued to lay with his face to
the ground throughout this whole ritual, so the bird wouldn't gouge an eye out with a claw.
"Koopa - koopa!" shouted the man. The bird stopped dancing and flew away. The men got closer around
Ed. They wore yellow leopard skin outfits and held little spears with yellow birds painted up and down them. The
apparent leader had a large feather hat on. The leader then pointed at Ed's nifty hat.
"Koopa," stated the man as he pointed.
Ed smiled and pointed at his hat. Ed was proud of his hat, and after all the effort it took to find that
morning, he was pleased to see that someone else appreciated his effort.
"Koopa," stated the man a bit louder as he pointed.
Ed smiled and pointed at his hat again. "Rubber chicken," he said. And on those words, all the men drew in
their breath.
"Rubber chicken," the men all chorused and began to bow and worship him. This pleased Ed, he hoped
that like Bill had, he would get special treatment and lots of steaks.
Then the leader stepped up from the men and walk towards Ed. He embraced Ed with strength. The leader
took his feather hat off and put it on Ed's hat, above the rubber chicken. He smiled and shook Ed's hand. Ed shook
his hand back, to show that he was still alive.
The men then led him through the woods for a while, until they came to a clearing with some stone tables
in it. Another man was already in the clearing, dicing up the yellow bird they had seen earlier. Apparently Ed was
going to have the privilege of eating the bird. Ed wasn't about to complain too much, even if it wasn't steak.
Ed sat down at the table in the clearing of the woods, and nibbled on the leg of the bird. Then he chewed
on the innards. It was all quite good bird meat. When nobody was looking, Ed slipped one of the nicer looking
feathers into his bird book.
After a good deal more eating drinking and shouting by everyone, the mood changed. The men started to
slowly chant "Koopa - koopa" over and over again. From behind a tree, a tribal princess emerged. She also was
wearing a rubber chicken on her head.
The "koopas" got louder and louder. The princess began to do a dance very similar to that of the bird. Ed
hoped several things. One that she wasn't going to dance on his head, and also that he wasn't going to be required to
bar-be-que her up and eat her. The "koopas" did not stop, even as he thought those things. This did make thinking
difficult.
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