Philip Hassey
Composition 2
Exam
(4) The Militia Goes to Fairwoods
After getting dressed entirely in black, we opened the bathroom door and snuck out. We grabbed
our large scythes and began to stomp towards the beach area. The entire school was at Fairwoods because
this was the last day of school, but nobody had seen us yet. We stopped.
"Why are we doing this?" asked Giff.
"Because," said Doug, "the Militia is like God. Three persons acting as one in an effort to rule
the world. Like the Trinity."
"And it's good for people to lose sleep at night," I added.
We all grinned, and clutched our scythes. They were very big sharp scythes. The sort of scythes
that one might cut a tree down with. Or better yet, to slice someone in half with. We grinned some more,
and looked up towards the beach.
Mr. VanTol was sitting on the beach in a beach chair. He was watching us. We looked at him,
and gave a huge grin, and began to slowly walk forward. Mr. VanTol stood up. We charged. He
screamed, and began to run.
This was the first time I had ever seen Mr. VanTol run, and for being the sizable man he is, I was
mighty impressed. We screamed and chased after. After burning down his house the week before, he
must have been fearing for his life.
About that time, everyone else noticed that the Militia was chasing after Mr. VanTol with
scythes. More people stood up, and pointed. I turned, screamed like a maniac and charged after all those
people who I had never really liked in the first place. Their mouths dropped open, and they fled my
mighty scythe wielding image.
Then Giff saw Mr. Masselink and charged. Mr. Masselink had been standing and observing on
the side with a glass of punch. The glass of punch was on Mr. Masselink's shirt and he was sprinting off
himself. Giff had never liked math too much.
Then Doug screamed and began to charge after a group of boys who hadn't accepted him as a
young child. They dropped their hot-dogs and ran.
Within several minutes everyone was screaming and running as we charged after everyone and
everything waving our scythes in the air and screaming bloody murder ourselves. Total panic had broken
out.
But one man still held his wits and that was Mr. VanTol. After we had given him a run for his
life, he had regained his focus. He stood and watched. Then he realized the solution. He slowly strode
over to the pay phone and put in a dime. Calmly he dialed the appropriate digits.
"Blazyk," said Mr. VanTol, "Put on your dress and bring some donuts."
"They've gone berserk, have they?" asked Blazyk.
"Yes," said Mr. VanTol, "Come quickly, the Donut Fairy must make an appearance."
Several minutes later, the Donut Fairy arrived. He walked into the middle of all the panic and
opened a box of Dunkin' Donuts. I turned, Doug turned, and Giff turned to the scent of big jelly donuts.
We dropped our scythes and walked towards him in a daze. We ate, and ate until we had regained
control. That's when we beat up Blazyk for wearing a dress.
